( Clementine's eyes abruptly fill with tears so hard that she can't see. So much for keeping it in a box. He makes it nearly impossible for her to do so, to keep her steel, because he brings out the softer parts of her that she thought had died a long time ago (the softer parts that aren't just for AJ, aren't just to be the parent that he needed at the time). She wants to scream. She wants to throw something, but she's wound so tightly in on herself that she can't. doesn't. do anything.
She doesn't know what it is about her. She has no idea why it is. AJ was six years old, and he wanted to die beside her because he didn't want to leave her. And now Louis- Louis doesn't want to leave her either even if it means he dies too.
And he's good, and he makes her happy, and she loves him, and he means the world to her and then some, and she just wants to keep one thing- one person without letting her bloody hands fuck it up more (She's already hurt him with Marlon, and- )
She's going to die because of you. You think just because you're a little girl that you can get people killed, and no one will care. That because you're sorry, it'll all magically go away?
I bet a lot of people died to get you here.
All you've done is get us hurt or killed.
None of them were wrong, and that was back when she could fight and decide and do.
Her hand is shaking, and her face is wet. She presses a hand to her cheeks to wipe away the tears, cursing herself for it. When she was dying, it was the last time she'd cried in a long while, and even then, she had to hold it together for AJ- AJ who wanted to stay with her even knowing what it meant. She sure as fuck can't afford to cry now when she has work to do.
And now there's Louis who wants to stay with her even knowing- even knowing it'll probably get him killed. Maybe that is what makes her cry. She was alone for so fucking long, and now people would prefer to die than leave her like that, but she just wants him to be alive. to be okay. to not get hurt because of her.
It takes her a long time to realize she hasn't said anything. She tries desperately to compose herself before she speaks, but she fails. )
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-08 11:27 pm (UTC)She doesn't know what it is about her. She has no idea why it is. AJ was six years old, and he wanted to die beside her because he didn't want to leave her. And now Louis- Louis doesn't want to leave her either even if it means he dies too.
And he's good, and he makes her happy, and she loves him, and he means the world to her and then some, and she just wants to keep one thing- one person without letting her bloody hands fuck it up more (She's already hurt him with Marlon, and- )
She's going to die because of you. You think just because you're a little girl that you can get people killed, and no one will care. That because you're sorry, it'll all magically go away?
I bet a lot of people died to get you here.
All you've done is get us hurt or killed.
None of them were wrong, and that was back when she could fight and decide and do.
Her hand is shaking, and her face is wet. She presses a hand to her cheeks to wipe away the tears, cursing herself for it. When she was dying, it was the last time she'd cried in a long while, and even then, she had to hold it together for AJ- AJ who wanted to stay with her even knowing what it meant. She sure as fuck can't afford to cry now when she has work to do.
And now there's Louis who wants to stay with her even knowing- even knowing it'll probably get him killed. Maybe that is what makes her cry. She was alone for so fucking long, and now people would prefer to die than leave her like that, but she just wants him to be alive. to be okay. to not get hurt because of her.
It takes her a long time to realize she hasn't said anything. She tries desperately to compose herself before she speaks, but she fails. )
Please, be careful, Louis. Keep you guard up.