Clementine wasn't really able to calm down after talking to Maggie. She only found her anger growing and beneath that the upset at many levels. She ends up in her room. Her hands clenched into fists. Her jaw locked tightly. Eventually the anger fades away completely, and there's just the upset that remains. She sits in a corner of her bed, folding and unfolding her hand in front of her, trying to steady her breathing like she taught AJ.
Eventually, she sees the note that Louis slides under the door, and it makes her smile even in the midst of all those feelings. She doesn't trust herself to go over yet until she feels calmer (she doesn't know how to deal with her own emotions at times. she's never really had the space to do so before. back in their world, it's always about fighting, surviving, and not processing), and so it's not until the next morning that she heads to his room, knocking on the door.
Leaving Clementine calm down after an angry outburst has always seemed like the best course of action to Louis. She's a lot like Violet in that way. A wave of anger like lighting touch-paper- sharp and violent, quick to spark, but something that doesn't remain forever. He knew, with a little space, she'd be okay again. Hence the note.
His face splits into a grin as he opens the door, stepping aside to let her in.
"Well, good morning, you! How's that fist of yours?"
Clementine came over to check on him for a lot of reasons including wanting to apologize. So maybe she's a little surprised he greets her with an easy grin. She blinks a bit, glancing down at her hand as she steps inside.
"Uh, fine. Seth's head is pretty hard but so is my fist," she says, and it's not like she punched him as hard as she punched Abel, trying to survive that encounter. This was out of anger so less desperate, less intent to hurt. "...I wanted to say sorry."
Out of all the things he expected Clem to say - her apologising was not it. He cants his head almost comically, brow furrowed.
"Uh...why? You like, totally defended my honour and everything," he grins, fanning himself with his hand. "My knight in denim armour. Why would you need to apologise for that?"
Clementine can't help but smile a little at the way he puts it, because she definitely didn't expect that reaction to her having the temper that she did, lashing out, causing... a scene.
"...not for that part." Though it was more about the fact he'd already been shot because of her once, and she wasn't about to let anyone else threaten him with a gun. Sure as fuck not on her behalf, but- "I just left in the middle of like... our first date?"
Wow. Her face is kind of flushed. Her hand slides behind her neck. "So it kind of ruined. That. So... sorry."
It hadn't crossed his mind. He'd been concerned for her, for whatever was going on in her head- after all, Clem had traumas he couldn't even start to guess on. She needed her time and space, the last thing he'd been worried about was their date.
"Clem, that's fine. It wasn't ruined. You literally socked a guy in the jaw protecting me. I mean, I don't know what your definition of ruining is, but mine is not that."
His smile softens.
"It's fine. Besides, we can have other dates. We got a whole mansion full of shit to do for dates."
Clementine smiles helplessly at his response. She probably should have expected it especially after the note, but still. She genuinely felt bad about interrupting the whole night like that especially since she didn't end up coming back at all. But. yeah, she definitely doesn't regret socking Seth in the jaw.
"Well, good. I'm glad that's not in your definition of a bad date. Not that either of us really know about those. So maybe we can make our own definitions of good or bad."
For dates. It can definitely include punching assholes. It helps having his perspective sometimes.
"...yeah, that's true. Thanks. I had a lot of fun beforehand anyway." So still definitely a good date.
"Yeah, we can. We can just learn on the way, do our own thing. Hasn't stopped us so far," he raises an eyebrow. "I still can't believe no one swept you off your feet already and done the whole date thing."
It's comforting, to know that she's about as blind in all this as he is- but he would have thought someone would have seen how amazing she is and snapped her up in a second. End of the world or not.
"And I'm glad you had fun," he smiles, awkward, ducking his head. "I had a lot of fun, too. It was...nice. We should absolutely do it again sometime."
Clementine ducks her head with a slight laugh that's almost a bit awkward. "Me? What about you?" He's all charming and attractive and.... stuff. She clears her throat then a bit.
His awkwardness makes her smile a bit more. "We should. We will. This place likes to do dances, balls, sometimes." Usually, she went for the food so it's cool to go for the dancing too. Slight pause. "Speaking of doing that more..."
That was a good segue, right? She's good at these interpersonal relationship conversations.
His tone is joking- he doesn't really believe he is- honest, he still doesn't know why she chose him, there are far better catches than him in the school. But it's easier to frame his general lack of self-worth in a joke. It takes the edge off it.
"Great! And we can do like...regular date stuff too? Like..." fuck what did people do on dates. "Movies? I'm pretty sure movies are a thing? Food?"
That is a very impressive and stealthy segue, he's very impressed. His lips quirk as he tilts his head.
Clementine absolutely knows that Louis is a catch whether he knows it or not. She'll just aggressively believe it for him, because she knows exactly why she chose him.
He's amazing. "Yeah, we should do regular date stuff too. Movies, food, bowling... I guess a date can be doing anything we want... together," she says, thinking, because she doesn't actually know.
She clears her throat at his elongated 'Yeeeeeeeeeeees' and then bites down on her lip, shifting on her feet.
"Well, I called you my boyfriend to Seth, and that's how... I think of you, but we never actually-" She waves a hand in front of her face. "We never said that's what we were so I wanted to be sure that it was... okay"
He's always glad for that- her continued faith in him, in knowing who he is and wanting him for that. It means the world to him, even if he struggles to see it in himself. She helps him start to believe it himself. Little by little.
"Yup! We could turn anything we wanted into a date if we were creative enough."
Her confession makes a laugh bubble out of him, and now it's his turn to look sheepish.
"Ooohhh that's not a thing we were already doing? Because that's definitely a thing I was already doing," oops. "Because it was kiiiiiind of me telling him that I was your boyfriend which got him all Pappa Bear on me in the first place."
He offers her an apologetic, lopsided smile.
"So yep. That's very okay and oops my bad on jumping the gun on that part?"
Clementine looks all curious at his turning sheepish. Granted, he kinda tends to be sheepish at times when they're talking about how they feel about each other or y'know like-like stuff like that. Still she doesn't expect what he says, and it makes her smile.
"Really? No, I like that you already did. I think we're both still learning how to... do this, and I'm not always the best at people stuff. I'm just... guarded."
So she was all afraid about making assumptions, but Louis kinda puts his whole heart in. She loves this about him, and so she lifts herself up to press a kiss to his mouth in hopes of reassuring him.
She was right, she wasn't always the best at the interpersonal stuff, but it never bothered Louis. It was just part of her charm. Besides, he knows she's been through a hell of a lot, it's only normal she's more guarded than he is.
"Well, that's okay. I can be great at the people stuff enough for both of us."
He can put his whole heart into it and give her the chance to do it at her own time, at her own pace. He smiles into the kiss, returning it, his hands moving to take hers.
"You can. You're really good at the people stuff," Clementine says, and this is why Clementine is more likely to punch someone in the face than deal with her anger in a more healthy manner.
But she's starting to get that he actually likes that about her. They come from a very different world to this one, and they're still figuring out how to move forward in this one.
Where they get to go on dates and not have to worry about raiders and walkers all the time.
She smiles up at him- up at him cause he's tol. "You're kind of seriously amazing."
"I mean, I'm pretty awful at the other stuff, so I play to my strengths."
He can defend himself from walkers, but he hasn't the patience to be a good hunter and he sure as hell isn't much of a fighter, but people? He knows what makes people tick. It just took the world ending for him to learn how to use it to help people instead of hurt them.
He bushes at her comment, an awkward laugh bubbling out of him as he rubs the back of his head. Lordy.
"You could knock me over with a feather sometimes," he replies. "And I'd like to add to this that you're more amazing, so there."
"We both too, and it's why we're kind of perfect."
Their strengths are opposing in that sense. Clementine's a good hunter, a helluva fighter. And she'd kill people without hesitation. But Louis really sees them- people. He really thinks and believes and feels for them.
"Go us, in our perfection. They should give us awards."
He chuckles, waggling his eyebrows comically.
"WELL, this could end up in a circular argument that's never going to end. We'd have to see which one of us caved first, and I'm pretty sure we're both stubborn enough to keep it going for a while."
( this is not a conversation clementine wants to have. not now, not ever, but they both knew it. they both felt it when they returned, and she was down a leg. she's still no closer to being able to use a prosthetic just yet. she wanted it to be realistic, didn't want magical healing, because she needs to know how long it's gonna take back home where they don't have the shit they need (where she won't ever have a prosthetic or proper medical care or any of that shit). and it'll still take time even when her stupid half leg is healed. she'll have to learn how to walk all over again, and right now she hates it because she knows this event's going to make people run.
after seeing natasha's entry on the network, she moved. she packed her back quickly, and she's already where she plans on hiding out, door locked.
the mansion is big enough that it can hide her, it can swallow her whole if it wants to.
right now she wants it to. she wants it to swallow her up. but first she calls him to have this conversation they put aside on their first day back. she can't run from this anymore either. )
[Louis knows damn well that Clem isn't in any state to run or fight any more. He can pretend all he likes that she's still capable, still a badass- and though the latter might be true, the former is less so these days. He's made it a point not to baby her. She's alive and still with them and that means everything to him. But he knows she's too damn stubborn, too independent to be treated as an invalid. So he's done everything in his power to try and keep things as normal as possible.
He'd be lying if all this shit hasn't rattled him, though. They've fought so goddamn hard and he knew Wonderland would come around to fuck this up eventually. He just wished they'd had more time. When she calls, he answers with the faux cheer - to try and deflect the inevitable. He knows she can see right through it by now, but he tries all the same.]
Hellloooo~ You've reached the Louis line, for all your Louis-related needs? How can I make your day more Louis-tastic today?
( Clementine can see through it, and she's not capable of even trying right now. She knows what she's done. She knows he is going to disagree, and that's just fucking that. Fuck, she wishes she could- This is her home. She should be allowed to defend it, to defend the people she cares about instead of being a fucking burden, instead of being something they have to worry about instead of worrying about their own lives. She sinks down to the floor of the room she's found, shoving her bag aside, pulling out a weapon.
It took her awhile to get up here.
She hears the switch in his voice, hears the faux cheer instead of his usual. It means she knows he is already thinking about what she's thinking about, and so she has no finesse in her delivery. Like a sledgehammer, she comes out with it. )
You saw the Event announcement.
...you saw Natasha's post after. It's going to be dangerous. People are going to have to run.
Jeez, Clementine, don't pull any punches on my account.
[And just like that, the mask is off. She remains one of the very few people he'll not pretend around- hell, she's the only person he stops the act completely around. He wishes he could put it back on, that in doing so it would make everything fine but he knows that's not the case. Not today. Probably not back at home- if they were honest with themselves. That remains a big unspoken dark cloud he's been doing his damnedest to ignore since she first regained consciousness again, sans a leg.
He's quiet for a moment. He's not sure how she's going to play this and that worries him. He's usually got a good read on her- she charges into battle like the tiniest, angriest person he's ever met and she kicks ass. They go home after. They laugh about it. The game's changed now. She can't do that any more and that puts an uncomfortable drop of uncertainty to the whole endeavour. ]
It's- well it's not okay, but we'll figure something out. We'll get through this. The kola carrying is still on the table.
( Clementine breathes out, and the sound of her own voice is not what she wants it to be for a moment (it's too hoarse, too vulnerable, too emotional). She can't pull punches. She can't. She closes her eyes, breathing in and then breathing out, breathing in and breathing out like before when it felt like her own panic might be too much.
She needs her steel. She needs to shove those emotions into a box and lock them away where they can't get out.
Needs to turn to steel so she can do what she has to do so she can convince him. So she can save him. Her jaw locks, and she lifts her head up again.
She will not be responsible for anyone else she loves dying because she was not enough. )
[He'd been expecting some sort of battle tactic they could use- hell, maybe even some idea of getting her somewhere safe where she could snipe the fuckers to kingdom come. He hadn't been expecting this, and it's enough to give him pause. He stares at the communicator, suddenly very aware why she's put this on audio and not a video. ]
No?
[The concept is unfathomable. He wouldn't have considered doing it, not for a goddamn second and for a very good reason.]
Clem, I'm not fucking abandoning you. No sir, not gonna happen. The last time I did that, you nearly fucking died.
[And he had to watch her, drifting in and out of consciousness, never sure if she'd come around and stay awake. If he'd just not climbed that fence. If he'd found a way back round to them faster. Maybe none of this would have happened. ]
( Clementine gathers that steel further, pressing her shoulders back against the cold wall. She shakes her head, locking her jaw. Her hands become fists. She's good at this part is the thing. The vulnerable and quiet sides? No, they're not easy to do. It's not easy to admit everything she is feeling. It is not easy to talk about the many people that she lost.
It is not easy to say that sometimes she feels completely fucking worthless anyway, because of the blood on her hands
And she is sure as fuck not worth his life. So instead she gathers her steel, and she is hard. )
It's not abandoning me if I tell you to do it, if I want you to do it.
I don't want you to find me. I want you to take care of yourself. I want you to keep yourself safe, Louis, and you can't do that if you're taking care of me.
( Her voice is getting louder, harsher, clutching the network device harder as well, so hard it'd break if she had more strength. )
[Louis doesn't lend himself to anger very often. Unless someone he cares about is being threatened, he's usually the one in their group to depend upon keeping his head. He's a born mediator, he doesn't like conflict.
But the shock of what she's saying to him is sinking in and the emotion that comes bubbling out under all the confusion and hurt is anger. Mostly at the situation- that the fact she feels she needs to say this at all. But he'd be lying if some weren't directed at her too. Clem's always been brave, but this is the first time he'd call her reckless. ]
I don't fucking care. I call it abandoning and I'm not doing that again. I'm just- not.
[She's their leader, and he'd willingly follow her orders into hell itself if she asked him to. But not now. Not with this. ]
You don't get to make this decision for me, Clementine. I don't want to leave you, I'm not going to leave you. That's just bullshit and you know it.
She is not actually a good person. A good person couldn't survive the shit that she has, couldn't do the shit she can do. She's perfectly capable of hurting someone if she thinks it might save their life.
Even someone she loves, and she loves him. She loves him, and she's so glad he kept running when he jumped and that he ran home. She's so glad he didn't put himself more at risk and jump back to get them, because what happens then is more people died.
it was a goddamn miracle AJ got her out of there alive himself, and she doesn't much believe in miracles so she's not betting on another. Sure as hell is not betting his life on it.
And she doesn't think she can go through- She breathes out again, stares at her hand. )
I'm not going to let you die because of me. And you will. You'll take chances because of me. Chances you don't have to take if I'm not around.
[He's already getting up, moving about the room- she can probably hear the rustling. It's a big mansion, there are literally endless rooms- but if he needs to search every single fucking one for her, he absolutely will.]
I don't give a single frosty shit if I take chances. That's how it's supposed to work, Clem. I'll take all the chances and I don't care. You can't just- just fuck off and expect me to be okay with that. 'Oh hey, my girlfriend's decided she's going to risk her life so I don't have to risk mine, cool beans'. It doesn't work like that.
[He can't let it work like that. Not at all. Because he loves her, too- and almost losing her had left its mark, a deep, horrible splinter in his heart that he knows he's never going to get rid of. They were lucky once. He's not counting they'd be lucky again, either.]
I'm coming to find you. You don't get to just fucking check out on me like this. It's not fair.
( Clementine hears him moving, and her heart jumps up in her throat. It's panic. She recognizes that feeling. She's convinced that she will be his downfall, that she will watch him die, that-
She remembers trying to save Sarah. She remembers watching Carver toss a man without an arm off a roof. She remembers Omid being shot, Lee before she pulled the trigger, Luke pushing her away in time as he-- He's looking for her. He's going to spend the whole fucking Event- And it's going to kill him. She is This fucking half a leg is going to kill him,
no matter how much she wants him to stay alive. )
Louis.
Louis, don't.
( The words come out of her harder, faster, less steel-like. She closes her eyes, refocusing herself, pushing herself up against the wall. )
I'm not risking my life. I am doing what people do when they can't fight and can't run. I am hiding and fortifying, but you can run.
[The great irony is that before he met her, he would have relented at just such a request from a loved one by now. Sure, he would have made a token appeal to them, convince them to see sense- but ultimately he would back down, stick his head in the sand, leave them to it.
But she made him a better person. She taught him how to step up. To not roll over and let things happen. To not kick things down the road. Unfortunately for her, that's come back to bite her in the ass. He stops moving, but he sure doesn't stop trying.]
Okay, fine- hide and fortify. But let me be there with you. I mean...shit, we don't know what's coming. I want to be there to help you when it all goes to hell in a handbasket. I need to be there.
( Clementine definitely wouldn't credit herself for making him a better person. She knew he had it in him all along. It's why she told him she thought he was more than that, because she could see- she could tell.
And even though she really, really fucking needs him to take care of himself, to survive, to be okay, she can't help but be proud of him too. That he has changed, that he has grown, that he is not backing down anymore. )
If things go to hell and we have to run or fight or move at all, you'd just die with me or die instead of me, getting me out. You know that. I'm a liability.
How-
( How is she supposed to be okay with- with being the reason that happens to him?
It's happened too many times. She can't let it happen to him. Not when this is a front row seat to what is bound to happen in their own world. )
[He'd credit her with it- completely and unhesitatingly. He would never have changed without her. Never had the need to. He would have stayed aimless and idle- Marlon sure as hell wouldn't have encouraged him to be any other way. ]
You're not a liability.
[There's a sharpness to his tone, one fed by fear. He knows damn well that this is something they'll face back home one day. That something will happen and they'll need to run, and Clem won't be able to. But he's never seen her as less- even in knowing that. The sharpness vanishes as soon as it arrived, and when he speaks again he's quieter.]
Not to me. Never to me. And I'm aware of the likelihood of that happening and I can't quantify how much I don't care. I'm not leaving you again.
( Clementine's eyes abruptly fill with tears so hard that she can't see. So much for keeping it in a box. He makes it nearly impossible for her to do so, to keep her steel, because he brings out the softer parts of her that she thought had died a long time ago (the softer parts that aren't just for AJ, aren't just to be the parent that he needed at the time). She wants to scream. She wants to throw something, but she's wound so tightly in on herself that she can't. doesn't. do anything.
She doesn't know what it is about her. She has no idea why it is. AJ was six years old, and he wanted to die beside her because he didn't want to leave her. And now Louis- Louis doesn't want to leave her either even if it means he dies too.
And he's good, and he makes her happy, and she loves him, and he means the world to her and then some, and she just wants to keep one thing- one person without letting her bloody hands fuck it up more (She's already hurt him with Marlon, and- )
She's going to die because of you. You think just because you're a little girl that you can get people killed, and no one will care. That because you're sorry, it'll all magically go away?
I bet a lot of people died to get you here.
All you've done is get us hurt or killed.
None of them were wrong, and that was back when she could fight and decide and do.
Her hand is shaking, and her face is wet. She presses a hand to her cheeks to wipe away the tears, cursing herself for it. When she was dying, it was the last time she'd cried in a long while, and even then, she had to hold it together for AJ- AJ who wanted to stay with her even knowing what it meant. She sure as fuck can't afford to cry now when she has work to do.
And now there's Louis who wants to stay with her even knowing- even knowing it'll probably get him killed. Maybe that is what makes her cry. She was alone for so fucking long, and now people would prefer to die than leave her like that, but she just wants him to be alive. to be okay. to not get hurt because of her.
It takes her a long time to realize she hasn't said anything. She tries desperately to compose herself before she speaks, but she fails. )
[She's quiet for a long time and that worries him. He doesn't know if she just...stopped responding- was getting ready to start tearing through the mansion to find her. He only vaguely knows how much she's lost- bits and pieces of a long and sorry tale. He knows enough to know it's been a lot, and he's aware adding himself to that tally probably isn't fair.
But he also remembers AJ bringing her back to the school. He remembers Ruby patching her up and that face she made when she knew shit was bad and the chances of pulling through were slim. He remembers spending sleepless days watching her, jumping at any movment she made- listening for her taking a breath instead of that horrible death-rattle that meant it was too late for anyone anymore.
Those memories are still sharp in his mind- he can't deal with that again. It's only that she got better that he dealt with them back home. Those few days taught him a horrible lesson: that he's completely lost without her.
He can hear the sadness in her voice, feels a pang of guilt that he's done this to her, but knows the alternative is so much worse. He's not strong enough to let it go the other way. Not strong enough at all. ]
I will. When I find you.
[Like a dog with a bone. He and Clem don't have a lot of things in common, but bloody-minded stubbornness sure is one of them.]
Fuck. If something happens to you, Louis, I swear--
( The mutter leaves her harsher than she means it to. Tears still prick her eyes, and she turns off the device, shoving it into the bag.
Clementine closes her eyes tightly. Her jaw locks, and she tries to breathe out through this feeling like a fire in her chest. She's terrified. That's the truth. She is so damn scared for him.
This is one of those moments.
She's had more of them than she can count.
One of those moments where she makes a choice, and the choice results in someone else living or dying (and didn't she already have that moment earlier? isn't that why she packed her bag?). She can tell him where she is, or she can hunker down, because he'll still probably fair better without her. Even if he won't be paying as much attention because he is trying to find her.
She wants to scream again but doesn't, rubs furiously at her face, and then forces herself to stand by pushing up against the wall behind her. To keep going (to keep moving forward). To- to make this room a place as protected as she can.
I can't guarantee it won't regardless of where I am. None of us can ever guarantee that Clem, you know that.
[Not here, not back home. They have to live for the day and try not to leave a life of regret behind them when they go. Take risks. Say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done. Any of them could die at any time.
He can't promise her that he'll be safe because he doesn't know what's going to happen. He won't make that promise if he knows he can't keep it. She goes quiet again and that worries him. ]
( Clementine turned off her network device, because she felt like he'd be able to convince her if she listened much longer. It's the kind of effect that goes against everything that her instincts are telling her, screaming at her. And the conflict settles uncomfortably within her rib cage.
So the Event happens. She is found like she thought she might be, but she survives, barely. Thanks to her traps, thanks to some quick thinking at the last second and a shotgun to one of the thing's faces. Her ears are still ringing. There's a wide cut on her arm.
She is patching it up when she finally listens to the message that he sent her, and then she tries to call him back, tries to contact him back, but he's not answering (he can't answer).
He can't answer. She tells herself it is because he is busy. It is because he is saving himself instead of worrying about her. He is okay. There are just a lot of these fucking aliens everywhere, and he has to be in the middle of fighting them )
Louis- ( She can hear the shakiness in her own voice, the strained nature of it despite her attempts to speak more calmly. She hates it. ) I hope you're not coming to find me, and you're just keeping yourself alive now. Staying somewhere safe, being aware of your surroundings, keeping your guard up.
You can be angry at me later or angry at me now. You can hate me later for what I did. Just-
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Date: 2019-01-27 05:53 am (UTC)Eventually, she sees the note that Louis slides under the door, and it makes her smile even in the midst of all those feelings. She doesn't trust herself to go over yet until she feels calmer (she doesn't know how to deal with her own emotions at times. she's never really had the space to do so before. back in their world, it's always about fighting, surviving, and not processing), and so it's not until the next morning that she heads to his room, knocking on the door.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-27 09:08 pm (UTC)His face splits into a grin as he opens the door, stepping aside to let her in.
"Well, good morning, you! How's that fist of yours?"
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Date: 2019-01-27 09:51 pm (UTC)"Uh, fine. Seth's head is pretty hard but so is my fist," she says, and it's not like she punched him as hard as she punched Abel, trying to survive that encounter. This was out of anger so less desperate, less intent to hurt. "...I wanted to say sorry."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-27 10:13 pm (UTC)"Uh...why? You like, totally defended my honour and everything," he grins, fanning himself with his hand. "My knight in denim armour. Why would you need to apologise for that?"
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Date: 2019-01-27 11:23 pm (UTC)"...not for that part." Though it was more about the fact he'd already been shot because of her once, and she wasn't about to let anyone else threaten him with a gun. Sure as fuck not on her behalf, but- "I just left in the middle of like... our first date?"
Wow. Her face is kind of flushed. Her hand slides behind her neck. "So it kind of ruined. That. So... sorry."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-27 11:41 pm (UTC)It hadn't crossed his mind. He'd been concerned for her, for whatever was going on in her head- after all, Clem had traumas he couldn't even start to guess on. She needed her time and space, the last thing he'd been worried about was their date.
"Clem, that's fine. It wasn't ruined. You literally socked a guy in the jaw protecting me. I mean, I don't know what your definition of ruining is, but mine is not that."
His smile softens.
"It's fine. Besides, we can have other dates. We got a whole mansion full of shit to do for dates."
no subject
Date: 2019-01-29 05:27 am (UTC)"Well, good. I'm glad that's not in your definition of a bad date. Not that either of us really know about those. So maybe we can make our own definitions of good or bad."
For dates. It can definitely include punching assholes. It helps having his perspective sometimes.
"...yeah, that's true. Thanks. I had a lot of fun beforehand anyway." So still definitely a good date.
no subject
Date: 2019-01-29 11:02 pm (UTC)It's comforting, to know that she's about as blind in all this as he is- but he would have thought someone would have seen how amazing she is and snapped her up in a second. End of the world or not.
"And I'm glad you had fun," he smiles, awkward, ducking his head. "I had a lot of fun, too. It was...nice. We should absolutely do it again sometime."
no subject
Date: 2019-02-01 05:18 am (UTC)His awkwardness makes her smile a bit more. "We should. We will. This place likes to do dances, balls, sometimes." Usually, she went for the food so it's cool to go for the dancing too. Slight pause. "Speaking of doing that more..."
That was a good segue, right? She's good at these interpersonal relationship conversations.
no subject
Date: 2019-02-01 10:13 pm (UTC)His tone is joking- he doesn't really believe he is- honest, he still doesn't know why she chose him, there are far better catches than him in the school. But it's easier to frame his general lack of self-worth in a joke. It takes the edge off it.
"Great! And we can do like...regular date stuff too? Like..." fuck what did people do on dates. "Movies? I'm pretty sure movies are a thing? Food?"
That is a very impressive and stealthy segue, he's very impressed. His lips quirk as he tilts his head.
"Yeeeeeeeees?"
no subject
Date: 2019-02-03 07:51 pm (UTC)He's amazing. "Yeah, we should do regular date stuff too. Movies, food, bowling... I guess a date can be doing anything we want... together," she says, thinking, because she doesn't actually know.
She clears her throat at his elongated 'Yeeeeeeeeeeees' and then bites down on her lip, shifting on her feet.
"Well, I called you my boyfriend to Seth, and that's how... I think of you, but we never actually-" She waves a hand in front of her face. "We never said that's what we were so I wanted to be sure that it was... okay"
no subject
Date: 2019-02-03 09:56 pm (UTC)"Yup! We could turn anything we wanted into a date if we were creative enough."
Her confession makes a laugh bubble out of him, and now it's his turn to look sheepish.
"Ooohhh that's not a thing we were already doing? Because that's definitely a thing I was already doing," oops. "Because it was kiiiiiind of me telling him that I was your boyfriend which got him all Pappa Bear on me in the first place."
He offers her an apologetic, lopsided smile.
"So yep. That's very okay and oops my bad on jumping the gun on that part?"
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 04:35 am (UTC)"Really? No, I like that you already did. I think we're both still learning how to... do this, and I'm not always the best at people stuff. I'm just... guarded."
So she was all afraid about making assumptions, but Louis kinda puts his whole heart in. She loves this about him, and so she lifts herself up to press a kiss to his mouth in hopes of reassuring him.
"You're my boyfriend, and I'm your girlfriend."
no subject
Date: 2019-02-05 09:44 pm (UTC)"Well, that's okay. I can be great at the people stuff enough for both of us."
He can put his whole heart into it and give her the chance to do it at her own time, at her own pace. He smiles into the kiss, returning it, his hands moving to take hers.
"Yeah, we are!"
no subject
Date: 2019-02-06 03:40 am (UTC)But she's starting to get that he actually likes that about her. They come from a very different world to this one, and they're still figuring out how to move forward in this one.
Where they get to go on dates and not have to worry about raiders and walkers all the time.
She smiles up at him- up at him cause he's tol. "You're kind of seriously amazing."
no subject
Date: 2019-02-06 10:39 pm (UTC)He can defend himself from walkers, but he hasn't the patience to be a good hunter and he sure as hell isn't much of a fighter, but people? He knows what makes people tick. It just took the world ending for him to learn how to use it to help people instead of hurt them.
He bushes at her comment, an awkward laugh bubbling out of him as he rubs the back of his head. Lordy.
"You could knock me over with a feather sometimes," he replies. "And I'd like to add to this that you're more amazing, so there."
no subject
Date: 2019-02-08 01:48 am (UTC)Their strengths are opposing in that sense. Clementine's a good hunter, a helluva fighter. And she'd kill people without hesitation. But Louis really sees them- people. He really thinks and believes and feels for them.
She laughs softly, warmly.
"No way. You're the most amazing by far, Louis."
:|
no subject
Date: 2019-02-08 09:04 pm (UTC)He chuckles, waggling his eyebrows comically.
"WELL, this could end up in a circular argument that's never going to end. We'd have to see which one of us caved first, and I'm pretty sure we're both stubborn enough to keep it going for a while."
[Text ] 3/17
Date: 2019-03-17 07:46 pm (UTC)Seriously, you drew dicks in the third floor with the magic chalk?
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 08:24 pm (UTC)Which is to say yes. Yes I drew dicks on the third floor with the magic chalk.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 08:29 pm (UTC)Go do that to the fourth floor. They need to be EVERYWHERE.
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 10:33 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 10:34 pm (UTC)YAS
I'll get the 5th floor
no subject
Date: 2019-03-17 10:40 pm (UTC)(audio) so not ready
Date: 2019-05-07 09:51 pm (UTC)after seeing natasha's entry on the network, she moved. she packed her back quickly, and she's already where she plans on hiding out, door locked.
the mansion is big enough that it can hide her, it can swallow her whole if it wants to.
right now she wants it to. she wants it to swallow her up. but first she calls him to have this conversation they put aside on their first day back. she can't run from this anymore either. )
[audio] choo choo to pain station
Date: 2019-05-07 10:04 pm (UTC)He'd be lying if all this shit hasn't rattled him, though. They've fought so goddamn hard and he knew Wonderland would come around to fuck this up eventually. He just wished they'd had more time. When she calls, he answers with the faux cheer - to try and deflect the inevitable. He knows she can see right through it by now, but he tries all the same.]
Hellloooo~ You've reached the Louis line, for all your Louis-related needs? How can I make your day more Louis-tastic today?
[It's fine. He's fine. See how fine he is. ]
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-07 10:16 pm (UTC)It took her awhile to get up here.
She hears the switch in his voice, hears the faux cheer instead of his usual. It means she knows he is already thinking about what she's thinking about, and so she has no finesse in her delivery. Like a sledgehammer, she comes out with it. )
You saw the Event announcement.
...you saw Natasha's post after. It's going to be dangerous. People are going to have to run.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-07 10:28 pm (UTC)[And just like that, the mask is off. She remains one of the very few people he'll not pretend around- hell, she's the only person he stops the act completely around. He wishes he could put it back on, that in doing so it would make everything fine but he knows that's not the case. Not today. Probably not back at home- if they were honest with themselves. That remains a big unspoken dark cloud he's been doing his damnedest to ignore since she first regained consciousness again, sans a leg.
He's quiet for a moment. He's not sure how she's going to play this and that worries him. He's usually got a good read on her- she charges into battle like the tiniest, angriest person he's ever met and she kicks ass. They go home after. They laugh about it. The game's changed now. She can't do that any more and that puts an uncomfortable drop of uncertainty to the whole endeavour. ]
It's- well it's not okay, but we'll figure something out. We'll get through this. The kola carrying is still on the table.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-07 10:35 pm (UTC)( Clementine breathes out, and the sound of her own voice is not what she wants it to be for a moment (it's too hoarse, too vulnerable, too emotional). She can't pull punches. She can't. She closes her eyes, breathing in and then breathing out, breathing in and breathing out like before when it felt like her own panic might be too much.
She needs her steel. She needs to shove those emotions into a box and lock them away where they can't get out.
Needs to turn to steel so she can do what she has to do so she can convince him. So she can save him. Her jaw locks, and she lifts her head up again.
She will not be responsible for anyone else she loves dying because she was not enough. )
I already figured it out, Louis. I can't run.
You can.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-07 10:42 pm (UTC)[He'd been expecting some sort of battle tactic they could use- hell, maybe even some idea of getting her somewhere safe where she could snipe the fuckers to kingdom come. He hadn't been expecting this, and it's enough to give him pause. He stares at the communicator, suddenly very aware why she's put this on audio and not a video. ]
No?
[The concept is unfathomable. He wouldn't have considered doing it, not for a goddamn second and for a very good reason.]
Clem, I'm not fucking abandoning you. No sir, not gonna happen. The last time I did that, you nearly fucking died.
[And he had to watch her, drifting in and out of consciousness, never sure if she'd come around and stay awake. If he'd just not climbed that fence. If he'd found a way back round to them faster. Maybe none of this would have happened. ]
I won't- where the hell are you?
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-07 10:49 pm (UTC)It is not easy to say that sometimes she feels completely fucking worthless anyway, because of the blood on her hands
And she is sure as fuck not worth his life. So instead she gathers her steel, and she is hard. )
It's not abandoning me if I tell you to do it, if I want you to do it.
I don't want you to find me. I want you to take care of yourself. I want you to keep yourself safe, Louis, and you can't do that if you're taking care of me.
( Her voice is getting louder, harsher, clutching the network device harder as well, so hard it'd break if she had more strength. )
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-07 10:59 pm (UTC)But the shock of what she's saying to him is sinking in and the emotion that comes bubbling out under all the confusion and hurt is anger. Mostly at the situation- that the fact she feels she needs to say this at all. But he'd be lying if some weren't directed at her too. Clem's always been brave, but this is the first time he'd call her reckless. ]
I don't fucking care. I call it abandoning and I'm not doing that again. I'm just- not.
[She's their leader, and he'd willingly follow her orders into hell itself if she asked him to. But not now. Not with this. ]
You don't get to make this decision for me, Clementine. I don't want to leave you, I'm not going to leave you. That's just bullshit and you know it.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-07 11:11 pm (UTC)( can't be the reason he dies. she can't be.
She is not actually a good person. A good person couldn't survive the shit that she has, couldn't do the shit she can do. She's perfectly capable of hurting someone if she thinks it might save their life.
Even someone she loves, and she loves him. She loves him, and she's so glad he kept running when he jumped and that he ran home. She's so glad he didn't put himself more at risk and jump back to get them, because what happens then is more people died.
it was a goddamn miracle AJ got her out of there alive himself, and she doesn't much believe in miracles so she's not betting on another. Sure as hell is not betting his life on it.
And she doesn't think she can go through- She breathes out again, stares at her hand. )
I'm not going to let you die because of me. And you will. You'll take chances because of me. Chances you don't have to take if I'm not around.
So I won't be.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-07 11:25 pm (UTC)I don't give a single frosty shit if I take chances. That's how it's supposed to work, Clem. I'll take all the chances and I don't care. You can't just- just fuck off and expect me to be okay with that. 'Oh hey, my girlfriend's decided she's going to risk her life so I don't have to risk mine, cool beans'. It doesn't work like that.
[He can't let it work like that. Not at all. Because he loves her, too- and almost losing her had left its mark, a deep, horrible splinter in his heart that he knows he's never going to get rid of. They were lucky once. He's not counting they'd be lucky again, either.]
I'm coming to find you. You don't get to just fucking check out on me like this. It's not fair.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-07 11:40 pm (UTC)She remembers trying to save Sarah. She remembers watching Carver toss a man without an arm off a roof. She remembers Omid being shot, Lee before she pulled the trigger, Luke pushing her away in time as he-- He's looking for her. He's going to spend the whole fucking Event- And it's going to kill him. She is This fucking half a leg is going to kill him,
no matter how much she wants him to stay alive. )
Louis.
Louis, don't.
( The words come out of her harder, faster, less steel-like. She closes her eyes, refocusing herself, pushing herself up against the wall. )
I'm not risking my life. I am doing what people do when they can't fight and can't run. I am hiding and fortifying, but you can run.
So run. Stay alive.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-08 07:20 pm (UTC)[The great irony is that before he met her, he would have relented at just such a request from a loved one by now. Sure, he would have made a token appeal to them, convince them to see sense- but ultimately he would back down, stick his head in the sand, leave them to it.
But she made him a better person. She taught him how to step up. To not roll over and let things happen. To not kick things down the road. Unfortunately for her, that's come back to bite her in the ass. He stops moving, but he sure doesn't stop trying.]
Okay, fine- hide and fortify. But let me be there with you. I mean...shit, we don't know what's coming. I want to be there to help you when it all goes to hell in a handbasket. I need to be there.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-08 10:17 pm (UTC)And even though she really, really fucking needs him to take care of himself, to survive, to be okay, she can't help but be proud of him too. That he has changed, that he has grown, that he is not backing down anymore. )
If things go to hell and we have to run or fight or move at all, you'd just die with me or die instead of me, getting me out. You know that. I'm a liability.
How-
( How is she supposed to be okay with- with being the reason that happens to him?
It's happened too many times. She can't let it happen to him. Not when this is a front row seat to what is bound to happen in their own world. )
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-08 10:40 pm (UTC)You're not a liability.
[There's a sharpness to his tone, one fed by fear. He knows damn well that this is something they'll face back home one day. That something will happen and they'll need to run, and Clem won't be able to. But he's never seen her as less- even in knowing that. The sharpness vanishes as soon as it arrived, and when he speaks again he's quieter.]
Not to me. Never to me. And I'm aware of the likelihood of that happening and I can't quantify how much I don't care. I'm not leaving you again.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-08 11:27 pm (UTC)She doesn't know what it is about her. She has no idea why it is. AJ was six years old, and he wanted to die beside her because he didn't want to leave her. And now Louis- Louis doesn't want to leave her either even if it means he dies too.
And he's good, and he makes her happy, and she loves him, and he means the world to her and then some, and she just wants to keep one thing- one person without letting her bloody hands fuck it up more (She's already hurt him with Marlon, and- )
She's going to die because of you. You think just because you're a little girl that you can get people killed, and no one will care. That because you're sorry, it'll all magically go away?
I bet a lot of people died to get you here.
All you've done is get us hurt or killed.
None of them were wrong, and that was back when she could fight and decide and do.
Her hand is shaking, and her face is wet. She presses a hand to her cheeks to wipe away the tears, cursing herself for it. When she was dying, it was the last time she'd cried in a long while, and even then, she had to hold it together for AJ- AJ who wanted to stay with her even knowing what it meant. She sure as fuck can't afford to cry now when she has work to do.
And now there's Louis who wants to stay with her even knowing- even knowing it'll probably get him killed. Maybe that is what makes her cry. She was alone for so fucking long, and now people would prefer to die than leave her like that, but she just wants him to be alive. to be okay. to not get hurt because of her.
It takes her a long time to realize she hasn't said anything. She tries desperately to compose herself before she speaks, but she fails. )
Please, be careful, Louis. Keep you guard up.
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-08 11:48 pm (UTC)But he also remembers AJ bringing her back to the school. He remembers Ruby patching her up and that face she made when she knew shit was bad and the chances of pulling through were slim. He remembers spending sleepless days watching her, jumping at any movment she made- listening for her taking a breath instead of that horrible death-rattle that meant it was too late for anyone anymore.
Those memories are still sharp in his mind- he can't deal with that again. It's only that she got better that he dealt with them back home. Those few days taught him a horrible lesson: that he's completely lost without her.
He can hear the sadness in her voice, feels a pang of guilt that he's done this to her, but knows the alternative is so much worse. He's not strong enough to let it go the other way. Not strong enough at all. ]
I will. When I find you.
[Like a dog with a bone. He and Clem don't have a lot of things in common, but bloody-minded stubbornness sure is one of them.]
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-09 05:17 am (UTC)( The mutter leaves her harsher than she means it to. Tears still prick her eyes, and she turns off the device, shoving it into the bag.
Clementine closes her eyes tightly. Her jaw locks, and she tries to breathe out through this feeling like a fire in her chest. She's terrified. That's the truth. She is so damn scared for him.
This is one of those moments.
She's had more of them than she can count.
One of those moments where she makes a choice, and the choice results in someone else living or dying (and didn't she already have that moment earlier? isn't that why she packed her bag?). She can tell him where she is, or she can hunker down, because he'll still probably fair better without her. Even if he won't be paying as much attention because he is trying to find her.
She wants to scream again but doesn't, rubs furiously at her face, and then forces herself to stand by pushing up against the wall behind her. To keep going (to keep moving forward). To- to make this room a place as protected as she can.
Her steel returns. )
[audio]
Date: 2019-05-09 08:51 pm (UTC)[Not here, not back home. They have to live for the day and try not to leave a life of regret behind them when they go. Take risks. Say what needs to be said, do what needs to be done. Any of them could die at any time.
He can't promise her that he'll be safe because he doesn't know what's going to happen. He won't make that promise if he knows he can't keep it. She goes quiet again and that worries him. ]
You know I'm going to come and find you.
[audio] (later into the event)
Date: 2019-05-11 04:58 pm (UTC)So the Event happens. She is found like she thought she might be, but she survives, barely. Thanks to her traps, thanks to some quick thinking at the last second and a shotgun to one of the thing's faces. Her ears are still ringing. There's a wide cut on her arm.
She is patching it up when she finally listens to the message that he sent her, and then she tries to call him back, tries to contact him back, but he's not answering (he can't answer).
He can't answer. She tells herself it is because he is busy. It is because he is saving himself instead of worrying about her. He is okay. There are just a lot of these fucking aliens everywhere, and he has to be in the middle of fighting them )
Louis- ( She can hear the shakiness in her own voice, the strained nature of it despite her attempts to speak more calmly. She hates it. ) I hope you're not coming to find me, and you're just keeping yourself alive now. Staying somewhere safe, being aware of your surroundings, keeping your guard up.
You can be angry at me later or angry at me now. You can hate me later for what I did. Just-
( Her voice grows smaller. )
Just be okay.
( but he never answers. )